Sinking

This

 

has replaced

 

This

.

 

Kind of makes this hiatus seem pointless; and reminds me I need to re-focus harder. For instance, I woke up around 2 AM last night to use the bathroom, and take the kids to the bathroom so they do not bedwet. Afterwards, I went back to bed, but I spent a few minutes scrolling through Pinterest and pinning images. I've also found myself gravitating back to my browser several times a day while at work. My friend is getting married in a year, and I am using it as an excuse to fall into my old ways; only this time on Pinterest.

 

At one time (okay, about a couple weeks ago), meme's and news stories and gossipy statuses held a place of importance in my sad little life. I'm just being honest: the video or infographic (or or or) floating around used to matter and provide both a source of entertainment and cultivate a sense of community, forming the substance of my virtual friendships (which bled into my off-line life). While walking to work on Tuesday morning, it ocurred to me that I am completely out of touch with the latest trends of meme, and I actually like it that way!

 

So today, just when I am finally liberated from the News Feed of Death, I realize I fell down the rabbit hole again into Pinterest-land. *DEEP SIGH*

 

It is important to face the facts, though: I am human, and while I have avoided logging into Facebook (by having my husband change my password for me and dutifully keeping it from me until the appropriate day) during my 40-day Facebook Fast, I haven't purged myself of all urges for social media. Namely because I haven't erased or fixed the part of myself that craves social interaction on my own terms. I still want meaningful companionship and relationship, but I also still have an aversion to being vulnerable, flexible, and accessible. It is okay to mess up sometimes. It doesn't mean I'm messed up just because I do mess up. I will have plenty of time to practice accessibility in social situations over the next few days though: tomorrow morning my friend comes over with her son for the kids and i to visit with; tomorrow evening my other friend is hosting a jewelry party she's invited me to; Saturday i'm taking the kids to a local museum and a baseball game; and sunday we were invited to a friend's house for dinner.

 

I'm already bracing myself for the emotionally taxing weekend ahead. I know that this is good and natural, however, and that the best way to learn to swim is to be thrown in the deep end and paddle while you sink.