Success & Relapse

Today I reread the post from Momastery that spawned this Facebook break. The text that resonated most with me is that in which she compares the draw to social media with addiction, and discusses withdrawal:

 

"The internet, I think – is turning into a compulsion for me. I’m starting to look to it for my own worth. I’m looking to it for comfort and as a balm for loneliness. I’m using it to hide a little from real live people. And I’m using it to numb my feelings. To zone out. All of this scares me because these are all the things I used to use booze for. And these are the things I still use food for sometimes...
 

"I know how to sit with the discomfort of being disconnected to the identity I’ve clung to so tightly for so long. And I know that sitting with the discomfort of releasing a false identity is the only way back to my real-est identity."
 

She discusses the identity construct of addicts:

Sometimes with our access to so MANY people, we end up serving our outer circles instead of most inner ones. Sometimes we’re so busy responding to strangers that we forget to respond to the people right in front of is. And we forget who we are a little. And instead of feeling grounded into our real lives we start feeling untethered, like satellites out in the cyberworld. As if we actually ARE our profiles and our worth actually COMES from how many “likes” we have.

 
Regarding the social media withdrawal, She quotes Pema Chodron:

 “So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.”

She also admonishes the reader to "define success" for herself:

"And this is why it is so important for us to take the time to define success for ourselves. Because if we let the world do it for us, the world will keep moving the finish line again and again and accidentally suck us dry. And we might do something awful like make ourselves sick or quit doing what we love to do...

 

...THERE are the things I do just to do them. There is no NEXT after these things. No THEN WHAT? No striving. No expectations...All of that really sinks in. It makes me who I am...

I feel good enough in the midst of those things. I feel like all I have to do is be me."

 

 

This post encourages me to think about who I really am, what makes Me "me", and what it means for me to be happy, to experience content, and to feel successful - outside of the framework of popular definitions of success.

 

It also reminds me that I am not alone in my social media addictiveness experiences. I found an NIH journal article that further discusses the topic here.

 

In 2004, the most successful current SNS, Facebook, was established as a closed virtual community for Harvard students. The site expanded very quickly and Facebook currently has more than 500 million users, of whom fifty percent log on to it every day. Furthermore, the overall time spent on Facebook increased by 566% from 2007 to 2008 [12]. This statistic alone indicates the exponential appeal of SNSs and also suggests a reason for a rise in potential SNS addiction. Hypothetically, the appeal of SNSs may be traced back to its reflection of today’s individualist culture. Unlike traditional virtual communities that emerged during the 1990s based on shared interests of their members [13], social networking sites are egocentric sites. It is the individual rather than the community that is the focus of attention [9]...

A behavioral addiction such as SNS addiction may thus be seen from a biopsychosocial perspective [16]. Just like substance-related addictions, SNS addiction incorporates the experience of the ‘classic’ addiction symptoms, namely mood modification (i.e., engagement in SNSs leads to a favourable change in emotional states), salience (i.e., behavioral, cognitive, and emotional preoccupation with the SNS usage), tolerance (i.e., ever increasing use of SNSs over time), withdrawal symptoms (i.e., experiencing unpleasant physical and emotional symptoms when SNS use is restricted or stopped), conflict (i.e., interpersonal and intrapsychic problems ensue because of SNS usage), and relapse (i.e., addicts quickly revert back in their excessive SNS usage after an abstinence period)...

In effect, in one study, addictive SNS usage was predicted by looking for a sense of belongingness in this community [83], which supports this conjecture. Presumably, the same may hold true for people who score high on neuroticism and narcissism, assuming that members of both groups tend to have low self-esteem. This supposition is informed by research indicating that people use the Internet excessively in order to cope with everyday stressors [120,121]. This may serve as a preliminary explanation for the findings regarding the negative correlates that were found to be associated with more frequent SNS usage.
 

The part about relapse is important. What is my plan after these 40 days are over? I've thought about this a few times over the past couple of weeks: should I limit usage to one hour per day? Should I restrict myself to only one hour per week? Should I save my pictures and friend information elsewhere and delete my account (Yes, I do mean delete and not deactivate)? There is a part of me that is very unsentimental. Right now, Facebook has very little draw - I would be okay with saying good-bye forever, and I believe it adds only negative value to my life. At one time, I found myself attached because I felt Facebook enabled me to remain connected with long-distance friend- and family-ships. But today, I truly feel that I need to continue these relationships via other communication methods, and if they do not stand the test of time, I do not need to preoccupy myself with them.